Day 6

Monday January 29, 2017

I'm feeling slow today. It's either a cold or depression. I'm leaning towards cold because I went for run and I couldn't not breath without wheezing and I'm hella dizzy.

Breakfast
It was a two caffeine source morning. Tea and Coffee
1 egg with broccoli and mozza cheese
1/2 avocado and lemon

Snack
Cottage Cheese Apple and almonds... I forgot to take a picture but it was hella good and I'll have that again tomorrow

Lunch
Left over broccoli salad
left over pasta

Snack
Last of the Banana muffins and chocolate icing
Cottage cheese with Blueberries

Dinner
Leek and potato soup
Salad with cucumber

Snack
This is my after my work out
PROTEIN SHAKE :)

Day 5

Sunday January 28, 2017

Today was a lazy day. A happy do nothing, knitting, watching TV kinda day :) Also no picture because I am lazy as shit.

Breakfast

Was more like Brunch
Protein Pancakes (just pancake mix with two scoops of protein powder)
Bacon (3 slices only but DAMN it was good)
Butter and real syrup (nothing fake up in here Bra.)

Snack
A handful of roasted almonds that I made up

Lunch
Nothing...still full from brunch

Snack
Apple and a few more almonds.
Then I remember there were left over pancakes in the fridge so I ate them too

Dinner
Zucchini, Broccoli pasta with tomato sauce
5 mini meatballs
6 potato rice crocquettes

Snack
Nothing

Recipes - Overnight Oats

Overnight Oats - 657 calories
High Fiber and Protein
97 g of Carbs     18.8 g of fat    35 g of protein

For when you're going to be too busy to really eat well

1/2 cups Whole Oats
1/2 cups Yogurt
1/2 cups Milk
1/2 cups Blueberries
1 scoop Vanilla Protein
2 tbsp Chia seeds

Notes on  Yogurt: I make sure that regardless of the fat content the list of ingredients does not include cornstarch or any other thickener. Yogurt should only contain Milk Fats, Milk Solids, Cream, Bacteria. If you get any other yogurts like Activia, there are more ingredients and chemicals. It's best to be natural, no matter the fat content.

Notes on Vanilla Protein: I am currently using Deisel Vanilla Protein. It has a great vanilla flavour. It's great in smoothies, protein shakes, overnight oats... everything.

Notes on Chia seeds: I add them for fiber and Omegas.

Day 4

Saturday January 28, 2017

Today was a new day and I donated blood for the first time.

2 cups of O+ apparently can save three lives today.

I ended up eating a lot of food today but still managed to keep my caloric intake under the 100 surplus.

Bed time is 930 because 2 cups of blood doesn't seem like a lot but it is

Breakfast

Overnight oats with Blueberries

Snack

6 Oreo cookies, Milk, OJ, Mango Juice, Sesame Snaps, and Peek Freans Jammy Dodgers* (after blood donation)

Lunch

2 Eggs and 1/2 grapefruit

Snack

2 croisants

2 Laughing Cow cheese wedges

4 inches of cucumber

Dinner

Homemade Lasagna and Broccoli Salad

Snack

Nothing

No pictures today.
I enjoyed my donation. It didn't take long and it didn't hurt at all.
My next time to donate is March 25. I think I will.

Day 3

Friday January 27, 2017

Notes: I don't have a job. I have two possibilities, but nothing real. No signed contracts. This is stressing me. When I am stressed I become anxious, when I am anxious I panic. In my panic I tend to forget to do things like eat. This challenge and commitment so far have kept me on track to be sure that I am eating and in turn is reducing the length of these anxiety panics. Go figure :)

Breakfast

Snack

Lunch
A Wendy's Spicy Chicken Sandwich with fries and a coke*
*No excuses, I was working on a pottery piece, ignored my alarms and got fast food

Snack
1 Croisant

Dinner
Home made ravioli and a small salad

Snack
Nothing

Day 2

Food

Breakfast
2 eggs scrambled
1/2 tomato
1/2 grapefruit
Cuppa Tea

Snack
1/4 cup blueberries
1/2 cup cottage cheese 1%

Lunch
4 oz Turkey Sausage Soup
Crackers
Laughing Cow cheese
Apple
Rice Crispy Squares
1/2 Lemon Cranberry Muffin

Snack
Banana chocolate chip muffin and chocolate ganache (I need to control my afternoon sugars)

Dinner
Homemade ravioli with ricotta filling and sugo

Snack
Nothing after dinner.

Day 1 - 203 lbs, 213 inches

Weight is taken first thing in the morning on my Fit Bit Aria scale.

Wednesday January 25, 2017: 203.9 lbs

Measurements are done in the morning after weigh in and are measured in inches. I am measuring the circumference of my arms, chest, waist, hips and legs. Measurements follow this guideline: Chest - Measure directly across your nipple line (you can always find that exact spot) notes I have added over boob and under boob measurements for the chest because I have big tits; Upper Arms - Measure 7 inches down from the tip of your shoulder and don't flex; Waist - measure at your belly button; Hips - Measure at the widest area of your hips (encompass your ass); Legs - Upper Thigh, measure just under your butt by about 3 inches.

Wednesday January 25, 2017: Measurements

Right Arm - 14 inches

Left Arm - 14 inches

Chest Over - 42 inches

Chest Under - 37 inches

Waist - 45 inches

Hips - 45 inches

Right Thigh - 26.5 inches

Left Thigh - 26.5 inches

Total Inches (Over) - 213 inches

Total Inches (Under) - 208 inches

Why over/under?

Breast tissue will burn faster than the fat tissue across my back - This way I can make sure that when I see inches loss at the chest, I can see if it's breast tissue loss or back fat loss. Either way this is how I'm measuring and if you don't like it, too bad.

Food Pics:

Breakfast
One egg scramble
1/2 tomato
1/2 grapefruit

Snack
Cheddar Cheese
Crackers
1/2 avocado

Lunch
One head of Romain Lettuce
Cucumber
Apple Cider Vinegar
Olive oil

Snack
Apple

Dinner
Turkey Sausage Soup
6" Philly Steak Sandwich

Afters
Banana Chocolate Chip and Chocolate Ganache

Starting is the easy part

Starting is the easy part...

I am going to be 35 in May.

I am currently 203 lbs.

I am infertile.

I am complacent.

I am out of control.

I want to a mother.

I want to have a baby.

I want to lose 30 lbs.

I want to be in control.

I want to be me.

How does this happen? 

I've tried and failed so many times. Yeah yeah I have the foundations, blah blah I have the science, yadda yadda I know what I need to do to achieve my goals: But I fail every time. I let the set backs win. I give up, I give in, I get fatter.

Excuses: I've got plenty!

Anxiety, Depression, PCOS, Stress, Not Enough Time, I'll do it tomorrow, I'll come up with a plan tonight and start in the morning, I have other things to do...

Yeup. All that shit.

What's different this time? IVF.

In December 2016, I went through IVF treatment and it was a lot. I had managed to get my weight down to 199 lbs which squeaked be by the 35% BMI, which is the max that IVF can be attempted at. With daily shots of Gonal F, Cetrotide, and starting a new job, I ballooned. I was 210 lbs when I went in for retrieval. After all that we only got 6 eggs. Out of the 6, 4 were successfully fertilized and of those 4, 3 survived past the cleavage stage to become blastocysts and have been frozen.

Just 3. That's it.

These little cells are the last chance I have to make my own little person with my husband, and I keep failing them. I keep failing them because I have not done the one thing I need to do to make my motherhood dream come true: Lose Weight.

OHIP funded IVF will, hopefully, resume in April after budgets have been awarded after Government Year End. We will be back on that list for implantation, but if I'm still this much overweight, I won't be able to have a successful or healthy pregnancy. I put my future children at risk, I put my life at risk, I put my husband at risk.

So here's the plan:

I post pictures of my food every day.

I post my work outs every day.

I post my weight and measurements every Wednesday.

I keep myself accountable because you are out there reading this and judging me and I hate you already so I'm not going to fail because I want to shove my success down your throats.

I have 90 days - January 25th start, April 25th end - Lose 30 lbs. That's 2 lbs per week on a 1500 cal diet.

Tools: 

• My Fitness Planner (helps to track weight, calories in and out, exercise, and food), 
• 5x5 Lifting (a good lifting plan to help one lift heavier weights - goal total 250 lbs), 
• Fit Bit Aria Scale (links to my fit bit app and My Fitness Planner app to track weight and body fat percentages), 
• Movati Gym (where I go to run, lift, sweat and swim), 
• Google Play Music (my running jams and lifting jams), 
• My Dog (because he needs to be walked and that totally counts)

Personal Support: 

My Husband, My Trainer/Cousin, My Friends, You Assholes

Starting is the easy part. Keeping it going, that's the challenge.