Starting is the easy part

Starting is the easy part...

I am going to be 35 in May.

I am currently 203 lbs.

I am infertile.

I am complacent.

I am out of control.

I want to a mother.

I want to have a baby.

I want to lose 30 lbs.

I want to be in control.

I want to be me.

How does this happen? 

I've tried and failed so many times. Yeah yeah I have the foundations, blah blah I have the science, yadda yadda I know what I need to do to achieve my goals: But I fail every time. I let the set backs win. I give up, I give in, I get fatter.

Excuses: I've got plenty!

Anxiety, Depression, PCOS, Stress, Not Enough Time, I'll do it tomorrow, I'll come up with a plan tonight and start in the morning, I have other things to do...

Yeup. All that shit.

What's different this time? IVF.

In December 2016, I went through IVF treatment and it was a lot. I had managed to get my weight down to 199 lbs which squeaked be by the 35% BMI, which is the max that IVF can be attempted at. With daily shots of Gonal F, Cetrotide, and starting a new job, I ballooned. I was 210 lbs when I went in for retrieval. After all that we only got 6 eggs. Out of the 6, 4 were successfully fertilized and of those 4, 3 survived past the cleavage stage to become blastocysts and have been frozen.

Just 3. That's it.

These little cells are the last chance I have to make my own little person with my husband, and I keep failing them. I keep failing them because I have not done the one thing I need to do to make my motherhood dream come true: Lose Weight.

OHIP funded IVF will, hopefully, resume in April after budgets have been awarded after Government Year End. We will be back on that list for implantation, but if I'm still this much overweight, I won't be able to have a successful or healthy pregnancy. I put my future children at risk, I put my life at risk, I put my husband at risk.

So here's the plan:

I post pictures of my food every day.

I post my work outs every day.

I post my weight and measurements every Wednesday.

I keep myself accountable because you are out there reading this and judging me and I hate you already so I'm not going to fail because I want to shove my success down your throats.

I have 90 days - January 25th start, April 25th end - Lose 30 lbs. That's 2 lbs per week on a 1500 cal diet.

Tools: 

• My Fitness Planner (helps to track weight, calories in and out, exercise, and food), 
• 5x5 Lifting (a good lifting plan to help one lift heavier weights - goal total 250 lbs), 
• Fit Bit Aria Scale (links to my fit bit app and My Fitness Planner app to track weight and body fat percentages), 
• Movati Gym (where I go to run, lift, sweat and swim), 
• Google Play Music (my running jams and lifting jams), 
• My Dog (because he needs to be walked and that totally counts)

Personal Support: 

My Husband, My Trainer/Cousin, My Friends, You Assholes

Starting is the easy part. Keeping it going, that's the challenge.